Small Bird In A Big Cage
by Summersetlights
Summary: When going to a glass of water at midnight, Eli runs into his father in the kitchen- leading to a much needed discussion about love.


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi._**

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><p>His cool and goose-bumped flesh becomes ice as he walks down the wooden stairs with only his boxers straddling his lean body. The light and loose fabric brushes his thighs with every step he takes, and it almost gives him that little grainy whisper that shows that he's alive. He's walking on air and he's breathing fire and everything is black and white-but so very, very colorful. And to top it all off, he just needs a glass of water. A glass of water like the one that his dad used to bring him when he was little. The cold glass of water that made his hands freeze and made his insides turn blue. He just needed a little reassurance that his dry mouth could be cured by water, and wasn't anything related to the mark of lipstick on his cheek.<p>

His feet pad down the hall like little mice. It's just a soft little coo in the night - morning - that echos throughout the small and aged house. He holds his breath with every step he takes, hoping to not wake up the girl upstairs; even though she was a very sound sleeper. When he had gotten up to leave the shadows of his room, she had rolled over to the warm sheets that he had left in his absense and whispered his name softly. Her naked flesh peeked out from under the thin sheet and her pale skin was glowing in the low moonlight. She hugged the pillow that he had used; her fingers curling gracefully around it, and brought it across her chest. And her pink mouth was pressed together in a peaceful smile that made Elijah Goldsworthy's heart thump with something deadly. Her hair was spread out wildly and Eli remembered how he had tugged on the loose ends when she went lower and lower down his body…

Eli winces as the wood beneath his feet creaks with a loud screech, and he can almost hear someone moving around upstairs, and he's scared that he has woken up the girl. But after several still moments, the house returns back to its normal state and lets him pass with reassurance that she is still sleeping. Eli stealthily creeps into the kitchen and is surprised when he sees his father sitting at the old dining room table. The middle-aged man types away on his laptop, obviously engrossed in whatever he is working on. The sound of his fingertips hitting the keys sound like falling rain pattering on the ground. They clink and clank in a way that makes it sound like a soft jingle that sings sadly to the world.

The wrinkles on his father's face have become deeper and they tell stories that words couldn't. Each wrinkle is outlined and spread out and they talk and sing and cry and laugh- and by watching him now, Eli realizes how much his father has changed. The goofy smile that once pursued his lips, is now gone. Now, his lips are just two fine lines, blending into his skin.

"Can't sleep, bud?" Bullfrog murmurs and Eli's thoughts drop out of his mind, and he looks directly at his father. Eli opens his mouth to speak, but he quickly shuts his plump lips and runs his fingers through his shaggy hair.

"I came to get a glass of water." Eli finally says, just as softly, and Bullfrog lets out a deep chuckle and winks. He stands up and his sock-covered feet move over the floor with a little grace. Bullfrog's big hand wraps around a small glass almost twice, and he looks at Eli - with a faint smile in his burned eyes. He runs the water and Eli can almost see the icy waves coming from the cup. After the slurp of water reaching its allowed level is heard, Bullfrog shuts the water off and hands Eli the drink. The water sweats onto his skin with its cold tongue.

"Come and sit down with me. We can talk, have a beer or ten, be pathetic insomniacs." Bullfrog offers jokingly and Eli simply shrugs, pulling up a chair. Silence hangs over their heads in a subtle dust. Bullfrog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter and a cigarette, and puts it on the table. Eli stares at the cigarette and smiles lightly, his gaze lost in space. So lost, that he doesn't notice his father looking at him, "Why do look so happy? It's freaking me out, kid."

"I...I'm in love with her." Eli admits, his tone almost grave. But there's a bit of pride in his dark, jade eyes. This comes out rusty, as if he has never said it before. The words dig their way into his stomach and make him want to throw back up the water. But, instead, Eli tosses his head back and drinks; obviously wanting something to distract him.

"And how do you know that?" Bullfrog asks, lighting up the cigarette. Eli glares at his father- truly unhappy with the smell of smoke-but he shrugs anyway and picks at the bit of skin around his thump nail. The smoke drifts around their heads and takes the place of the silence.

"After we were...done...with everything," Eli starts slowly, squinting his eyes, as if trying to hide that bittersweet joy that is held in his pupils, "She fell asleep and I looked at her, dad. And something just...everything made sense, but everything was blurry. And it was like everything in my mind stopped and everything was her lips and her mole on her shoulder. It was...I just realized that I could've died right then, and I would've been happy to do so. I was at peace for once in my fucking life."

"A man in love is an odd thing, Eli," Bullfrog says quietly after a couple of moments of silence, and Eli watches his father's eyes narrow in concentration. He puffs out smoke in a shape of an oval, "It's different than anything else you'll ever experience. It's the simple things, you know? It's the way that person says your name that makes your hearts explode with mirth, a simple act that no-one else can replicate. It's the way their hair smells after coming out of the rain. It's the trail of freckles that adorn their body that will make men crumple. It's all simple, but all so very complicated."

Eli fingers the ring on his necklace and can feel it burning his skin in a loving blaze. The ring digs into his cold flesh and he can feel the words on his numb skin. The three words that has his mind reeling like a movie screen. The screen is visible and he can see the scar on her right shoulder and the birthmark that had found a home right below her right breast. And her hair is wild and ravenous around her flushed face.

"You said 'after we were done' ...does that have anything to do with her ring on your neck?" Bullfrog whispers, squinting at the delicate piece of metal hanging from Eli's hand. Eli nods and Bullfrog leans back in his chair; staring at his son in a questioning gaze.

"I made love to her," Eli whispers, his tone soft and tender, and he can see Bullfrog's eyes become gentle. Eli's hands begin to sweat and he can feel his foot shake- with excitement or fear, he doesn't know. His gaze lands on the deep scratches of the table, "And...I cried...and I'm not sure why. But then, she told me that she loved me, and when she said that...I didn't say anything. I couldn't. And her eyes just..died. Her face just dropped and even as the time passed, the only thing that I thought was, 'She doesn't know that she's beautiful, does she?'"

Bullfrog nods and pulls smoke in, and breathes it out like fire, "Why didn't you tell her that you loved her? You just admitted it to me."

"Because I'm scared," Eli mutters, his eyes closing slightly, "I just couldn't do it. I...I'm not ready to say it."

Bullfrog licks his lips in enthusiasm, and leans forward, pointing his cigarette at his son. "You know what Jesus said? He said, _'Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts._'" He leans back against the chair, impressed with his knowledge.

"Jesus did not say that. That was Poe."

"Same thing. ...But anyway, think about it. You're terrified of your heart. You're terrified where it's going to lead you. Because as you know, sometimes tragedies happen to the ones you love. And sometimes, you can't do anything about it. But, one thing that you can do...is to tell them what they mean to you at every chance you get. Sometimes, you have to shut off your mind and let your heart lead the way. But, of course, only when you're ready."

Eli shakes his head in thought and drinks the last sip of his cold water, sighing as he finishes. He wipes his mouth and gives Bullfrog a little smirk, and stands up gently so that the friction between the chair and the floor doesn't wake up the girl. Eli opens his mouth to speak, but Bullfrog waves his thick hand, as if to say, _"Sorry for the rant...just go."_ But Eli smiles once more and whispers a thank you that is so heart-felt that Bullfrog looks up with a real smile on his thin lips.

And when Eli walks back up the creaky house, his mouth is still dry and this time, he doesn't mind. Because as he crawls back into bed, he pulls the girl close. Clare Edwards wraps her arms around his and her naked flesh sets his body buzzing into oblivion. He makes out the birthmark on her breast and traces it lightly with his fingertip. She shivers under his touch and he can feel his body falling apart at that simple move. She stretches lightly and her arms flex around his and when she relaxes, her cheeks finds its pillow on his naked chest. Eli feels her warm breath on his skin and he knows that he could never feel this way about a human being again.

"I love you." He whispers, even though she's dead asleep in dreamland. He presses a kiss on her forehead and lets himself mold and become a part of her skin. Her warm flesh melts away the ice that wraps itself around everything he can't control.

And before he gives into the peace of sleep, the only thing that Eli can hope is that someday, he'll be ready to tell her.

Someday, all of him will be ready for her.

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><p><strong><em>A little bit of Bullfrog!<em>**

**_Review, please? :)_**


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